Ice In The Summer
by Juunshi
Summary: A challenge from theretard5892. But who would suspect from such a serious theme, that the real story is...!


**This was a challenge from theretard5892, a.k.a. Mird. I don't blame you if you don't understand this- the whole story is an inside joke. But read what you can, and laugh if it's funny.**

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**Ice in the Summer**

Ah, such a beautiful summer day! Edward Elric was randomly standing outside in a big, grassy field. He had the urge to take his shirt off- it was just SO hot outside! He flipped away his red coat and it blew away epically in the wind. Then he untucked the edges of his shirt from his pants, pulled it over his head, and-

Suddenly, two girls hiding in the bushes behind him squealed quite loudly as they caught sight of his extremely hawt bare chest, causing Edward to spin around, blushing at the thought of someone seeing him half-nekked. Even though he's done it for Winry about two bajillion times.

"Plus one!" Shouted Camille from behind the shrubbery. It was a very nice shrubbery. With Laurels.

"Work it harder, Camille," said Mird, glaring at her, but secretly applauding her proper use of the comma. Camille started singing 'Get Down' in a loud, obnoxious voice to annoy Mird, who gave her the philosopher's stone.

"Wait, how did she get the stone????!!!!" Ed exclaimed after reading the previous sentence. Mird bonked him on the head for exclamation point and question mark abuse.

"Where are the DVDs?" said some really ugly old lady named Berg. She took a long, retarded puff of the cigarette in her hand, then casually chucked it over her shoulder. Kind of like salt. Except the only demon behind her was Inuyasha and it hit him in the eye, fatally wounding him and forcing his long-going manga series to end. FINALLY!! Oh, and he didn't get together with Kagome OR Kikyo because, even after 40 volumes, he STILL hadn't chosen. What a wimp. Anyways, Berg's cigarette smoke wafted over to Jackass and he choked and died. THAT'S RIGHT KIDS: SMOKING KILLS!!! Oh, the only good things Berg does, and it's in a fanfiction! Boohoo! Boohoohoo!

"Hey! This story isn't allowed to have morals!" realized Camille. So she magically made the morals disappear and be replaced with Kimblee, the Creeper Alchemist! ...I mean, Red Lotus.

"You made it worse, stoopud!!" yelled Mird, but she was drowned out by the sounds of explosions and maniac laughter. Thanks to the Creeper Alchemist, lots of ISHVARLANS were dead and Scar was, well, scarred for life and turned into a vengeance-obsessed killer. Thanks a bunch, Kimblee you creeper. Camille got Yami to mind-crush Kimblee and send him to the shadow realm. Don't like it there, Kimblee? Too bad! You must endure it.

Edward, who had been forgotten after paragraph two, was busy bawling his orbs out to Roy about how he 'needed a Daddy to care for him'. Which was strange because Ed's been taking care of Al for, like, 5 years and he's never said anything about needing a father. (Oh, the horrors of bad Parental!RoyEd. It makes Mird angry.) In fact, I'm pretty sure his thoughts on having one were something along the lines of:

"Screw my dad, I have money!" But then, in an exciting plot twist, Roy ripped off the mask he was wearing and revealed that he WAS Hoenhiem!

"Edward, I AM your father!" he said in a Darth Vader voice.

"DARTH VADER??!!!!" Ed screamed, abusing his punctuation again, "What are you doing in my house?!" Darth Vader writhed on the ground and Camille cried because it was a really depressing episode.

"There there, Camille," said Mird in a soothing voice, "I just found some crack!"

"Crack?" said Camille, looking up hopefully.

"Yes, Camille, crack! I found some good crack just this morning! Do you want to see it?"

Just then, there was a loud banging on the door. "Police, here!! Open this door!" So Mird walked over and politely opened the door to the very loud and rude police peoples. "We have reason to believe you are in possession of illegal drugs!"

"Oh no! They found me out!" said Camille.

"What, you mean crack?" said Mird, innocently. The police peoples nodded. "Oh, you sillies! Crack is just a term for fanfiction! Here, come look!" And Mird showed the police peoples the world of fanfiction and anime. The police people were satisfied that at least one of them was not in possession of drugs, and awed by the power of fanfiction. So they quit their jobs and became shut-ins addicted to the internet. "Brainwashing people is fun!" said Mird, with a sparkle in her smile. But her smile really, really shouldn't have sparkled because, just then-

"Face the power of MY smile!" said Alex Louis Armstrong who had busted the wall in like Koolaid Man. Dane Cook was just as mortified to see a large, muscular man burst in the room instead of a giant glass bitch, but same difference, really. Armstrong smiled, showing his perfect, blindingly white teeth as swarms of sparkles attacked innocent passerby. He stunned dentists everywhere with his perfect set of chompers. Yes, his mummy said he was a good boy!!

Suddenly, an iceberg whooshed from the sky and fell right on Armstrong and his teeth. On top of the iceberg was Olivier Armstrong, who came all the way from Briggs because she was really annoyed by Alex's teeth as she had braces as a child. The summer sun, with its cute happy face- oh wait, Camille drew all over it, now it's not cute, it's just really ugly- combined its strength with global warming and they melted the iceberg, creating a swimming pool for the little kiddies and fairy Ed. Fairy Ed is just soooo cute!! But because of the extreme heat of global warming and the sun together, a time paradox was created in the swimming pool that lead to the anime plotline where Psiren and Lust's breasts were playing a children's card game. And Psiren won…

**THE END**

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**Woot! Almost 1000 words! Actually, 955 not counting the A/N. Yay! :D Mird commissioned this, so I figured she'd be okay with it if it was crack. Actually, it's really great that she commissioned this because then I can stuff it with inside jokes galore! Yeah, I know it really does suck, but it IS crack… :D**

**If you haven't figured it out, the iceberg was the ice in the summer.**

**By the way, this storyline takes place in _america_!**


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